01/02/10 We will never forget...

Don't worry, I'm not going to enlighten you with the events of 2009 that you already know. I'm not going to ponder the problems our country faced and their significance in my life. There will be no discussion of goals and/or resolutions and I'm not going to weep about the people we've lost or the contributions said people have made in our society(Brittany Murphy; R.I.P Luann Platter). What I'm never going to forget, as I sit here reliving my most recent New Years Eve activities, are the Eve's of the past. Those long, lovely nights and late, late mornings, that were unfettered by children, fatigue and early wake-up calls, *sniff*. Chris and I had, what I would consider, a revel rousing good time this year, being that I made it to 12:00 AND saw the only blue moon for the next 15,20 years? I think that's the period in between blue moons. "Once in a blue moon...", right? Anyway, I didn't drink and I didn't get laid, but I did get to actually ring in the New Year with the mostly wide awake, probably intoxicated world. I was proud. I was satisfied. I fell asleep shortly thereafter and paid for my lapse in judgement with several early morning risings, courtesy of my kid. That afternoon, I vowed to never "party" again, until my kids were physically capable of fulfilling their own basic needs. I started thinking back to the past, which I know is a NYE no-no. No regrets, don't look back, new year/fresh start...yada, yada, yada. I kept thinking about all the times I'd heard other parents, even my own say they couldn't remember what life was like without us and how they wouldn't change things for the world. As I sat on Face book, looking at stranger's party pictures,I remembered my last "real" New Years Eve. I could hear those obligatory, parental phrases echoing around my head and thought, "Bullshit". Am I the only, awful, parent in the world that can remember the beauty that was falling asleep naked, after 3a.m. and waking up sometime after lunch, to go out and grab breakfast in the clothes you wore out the night before? I love my child, I've said it before and I'll say it again. He is wonderful, but to say I don't remember, fondly, the lifestyle I had before he became my world is just an out and out lie and I mean that in no disrespectful way. Before you spit out the words, know that I am fully aware of the moral. Things change. We grow up. Focus shifts and yes, these are positive things on the whole, that SHOULD occur in life. That's what makes wonderful,fun moments so wonderful and unrelivable. I don't want to change what Chris and I have evolved into permanently, but on occasion, let's say January 1st around 3:30a.m., I've been known to utter an "If I only knew...". Sometimes it makes me feel like a bad mother. "Maybe you should've thought of that before you had a kid," you may say. Maybe. Or maybe, there are more mom's and dad's out there that thought that exact same thing on NYE, as they sat on their couches, watching reruns of South Park and gulping beer in a vain attempt to get a buzz on before their 12:00 curfew. I think back to the Millennium. How all my friends were together in the same place, drinking, smoking, dancing and living like tomorrow was never coming and hangover's didn't exist. The little voice in the back of my head asks, "Do you really miss that? The dirty bar, the puke stained toilets, the clothes reeking of smoke, the watered down drinks, the slamming pain of a night of debauchery, greeting you the next afternoon,"...Yes. Sometimes I do. Not every Friday night, but sometimes, when I'm sitting on the couch in pre-weekend mode, trying to keep myself awake for The Soup, I miss it very much. And, while I'd never wish my child away and the decision to have him was mine and mine alone, there are moments when I think, "Life was so much more fun back then." Try not to lambaste me too much. You can plainly see my record with responsibility, so considering my son is alive, healthy and loved, a little post NYE regret/pity party is a small offense. We may never go back, but we will NEVER forget!