11. She slept through the alarm clock because she didn't sleep last night, you're the reason why and you're not listening.
10. She's trying to have her morning "Me Time", the only thing she gets to do by herself all day. The roll of toilet paper is devoid of toilet paper, she didn't sleep last night, you're the reason why and you're not listening.
9. It's five minutes of eight. She's trying to force a toothbrush across your teeth when you have clearly stated that you will NOT be brushing your teeth. Your brother's not getting dressed. She's not been able to get dressed. She's just asked your brother for the twelfth time to stop playing with LEGOs and get dressed. Did she mention it's five minutes of eight, she hasn't slept, you're the reason why and you're not listening?
8. The car window is stuck an eighth of the way down...AGAIN. Rain is the predicted forecast. You're fighting with your brother about who gets in the car first. He's officially late for school which means she needs to get out of the car to sign him in. Plus, she has to remove you from the car and getting you into the car was hard enough to begin with. She's still in her pajamas because she never had a chance to do more than put on her bra and gargle some mouthwash...thank God for small miracles. Also, she hasn't slept, you're the reason why and you're still not listening.
7. You want to get in the carriage. You want to get out of the carriage. You want a piece of cheese. You need to use the bathroom even though you were told to use it at home before you left because the bathroom here is a bacteria farm, and you're next in line at the deli. You want the cupcake flavored Gold Fish. You REALLY WANT the cupcake flavored Gold Fish. WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE THE CUPCAKE FLAVORED GOLD FISH? She hasn't slept, you are the reason why and WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO HER?
6. She hasn't had her first coffee yet and it's almost lunchtime. The groceries still need to be put away. You want lunch. Grilled cheese. No. Mac and Cheese. No fruit snacks. You'll just get the fruit snacks out of the snack drawer even though she's told you "No" all eight thousand times you've asked. You don't want to bother her again because she hasn't slept, you're the reason why and you are listening, because she said you could have a piece of fruit and technically there is real fruit flavoring in said snacks.
5. You ate the fruit snacks. You ate the goddamn fruit snacks! And now you won't touch the grilled cheese because you said you wanted mac and cheese, and anyway your lunch shelf is full. And she hasn't slept. And you said MAC AND CHEESE so, she is the one who's not listening.
4. She didn't get to do yoga today because she was busy with a tantrum you had regarding the snack refusal caused by your failure to eat lunch, and now it's time to pick up your brother, but you don't want to go because you're hungry and you want to watch Doc McStuffins and your shoes are too uncomfortable and you don't want to wear that sweatshirt. Your mom still has to tape a plastic bag over the stuck window, she can hear the thunder rumbling, she hasn't slept, you're the reason why and if you don't start fucking listening she's going to take that pillow you're clutching against your chest and clutch it against your face!
3. It's not fair that your brother has to go to karate. Why can't he just skip it this once, for the twentieth time? He wants to play with his friends, even though it's down pouring and you are firmly attached to your mother's torso, because you're cold, because you refused to put on your sweatshirt because you were hot and it was ugly. Well that's it. She always works, dad always works, your brother never gets to see his friends, even though they are together ALL day! He's out. And...you're out because suddenly, annoying your brother and his friends seems like fun. You're both hitting the playground if you can just wriggle out of your mom's grip. Nuts to her. She's mean when she hasn't slept and you're the reason why. And if you don't start listening and get in the fucking car you can both spend the night in the typhoon on the playground, because nuts to you, she's out!
2. You don't want tacos for dinner. They are gross and you hate them. Your brother wants grilled cheese for dinner. So do you. Just like the one you shunned at lunch. No wait. You want mac and cheese. But he wants grilled cheese. Tacos are gross. You'll throw up if she makes you eat one. Can you pillow joust down the hallway? Can you have a juice box? No, chocolate milk. Can she make you chocolate milk? Can you have a snack? Where did your brother get the chips from? What do you mean papa gave him chips? You want chips! It's not fair if he gets chips but you don't get chips. Is dinner almost ready? Is it mac and cheese? What are you having again? Tacos? You hate tacos. They are gross and they'll make you throw up! You asked for chocolate milk. Can you have chocolate milk? Please? It's getting late and dinner's not made yet and you and your brother still need showers and she hasn't slept and you're the reason why and WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU STOP TALKING FOR FIVE MINUTES AND START LISTENING?
1. It's five minutes of eight. You're not tired. You. Are. Not. Tired. The room is too dark. The nightlight is too bright. You need another bottle of water, it will help you calm down. The pajamas are too hot. The mattress isn't comfortable. Will she lie down with you for a few minutes? Now she needs to lie down with your brother who needs another book because he only has one. And if he gets another one you get another one. You suddenly have to pee, even though you didn't have to pee 5 minutes ago when she told you to try and pee before bed. It's 8:45 p.m. You're tired and crying. Your brother's tired and crying. She is tired, crying and repeating the phrase, "Please just GO! TO! SLEEP!" over and over and over.... Everyone is tired and crying, and no one's sleeping. She certainly hasn't slept, you were definitely the reason why and who gives a fuck if you listen anymore tonight? She's done talking. Don't come out of your room. Just don't. The consequences are dire because she's officially broken and she knows she's got to wake up too soon and do it all over again tomorrow morning.
