Peeing in my Cheerios and other non-productive sentiments.

I reserve the right to be upset. I demand the freedom to not be appreciative, every second of the day. I don't require a reminder of my blessings on days that I feel cursed. What I'm saying is, I'm okay with holding on to a little disappointment when things aren't going well and to be honest, I find value in the occasional pity party. As I was leaving for work this morning, I was greeted by a neighbor. "How ya doing?" She asked, watching her leashed rat sniff around my parents yard. "Great, except I'm on my way to work, so I could be better." Pretend frowny face, fake laugh. "Well, you're lucky to have a job to go to, so that's something to think about." She replied as her "dog" finally dumped on my parents lawn...which is two feet away from her lawn.  But, the 2 ton shit and the 3lb, yipping nightmare that produced it are fodor for another day.  That statement was the impetus for this pointless barking session, so blame Val for having more of my rancor shoved down your throats. I wasn't really upset about the prospect of going to work, but that's not the point. It was the idea that other's unemployment should automatically negate any frustration I might have about having to work a holiday weekend. I could've retorted with the news that my husband would,soon, be among the unemployed, but my guess is she wouldn't have really cared and if she did engage me, she would've found a silver lining to that, as well. I'd be lying, if I said life was going the way I wanted at this very moment and I've been feeling a little underwhelmed. There are a lot of well intentioned people, whose glasses are constantly teeming, even at their emptiest. I can admire that...from a distance. I'm not a 24/7 Negative Nancy. I know when to count my blessings. I am aware that I have it a lot better than alot of people and that things could, undoubtedly be worse. There are some moments when knowing that we haven't hit the bottom doesn't make us feel any closer to the top and having our feelings devalued, just seasons the misery with guilt. "What right do I have to be upset when everyone's healthy and I'm not on the street?" I have every right and I'm going to start exercising it. Everyone's personal struggle is different and everyone's perception of pain,both emotional and physical is skewed. In those moments, just having a shoulder or a simple, "Sorry you're feeling that way, but it will get better," can make all the difference. Having a day or two, here and there to wallow in self-degradation, can supply valuable insight into how to begin climbing out of the funk. It also gives appreciation to the days that go really well or the news that truly is outstanding. I don't think there's anything wrong with realistic expections or telling oneself that things aren't so bad that they can't get worse. It's not instigating a fall, it's avoiding a deep, canyon plummet and it's not for everybody, I get that. I can be the "bring-down kid" sometimes. So I'll make a deal. I promise not to tell you how I'm actually doing/feeling, if you promise you'll stop comparing my hiccup to a cancer patient, a tornado stripped suburb or a tsunami victim. I understand those are far more dire straits.

Only 1% of the people that ask how I'm doing, actually care about how I'm doing, anyway. I guess if I want to avoid getting a ticket from the gratitude police, my best bet is to answer "Great," force my frown upside down and walk away BEFORE I puke into it.